I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
