I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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