who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
