Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Randomize
