One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
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Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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