i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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