Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
