I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
