How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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