i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
organizing the empties. That sober.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
being pregnant is like rehab
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
