Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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