do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
