Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
