Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
