The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
