Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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