But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
