I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
