also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
That reminds me...we need to get swords
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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