i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
