Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He uses pillows to masturbate.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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