Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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