Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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