I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
