Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
