its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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