I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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