i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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