What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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