Sponge bath it is.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
