If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
