I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 2 1 whiskey
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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