I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How many fucks given?
0.12846
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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