You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
