dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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