Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We have started to decorate penises.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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