R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
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He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
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SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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