I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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