It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
