There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
