Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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