How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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