All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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