i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
