4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
are you still at the devil's house?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
