Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
