Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
