Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
