I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
