I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
