exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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