Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
