I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
