considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
