Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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