why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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